Super Sitter
by T'Ley
Summary: A "Lois & Clark" story, sort of. Somewhere in the state of limbo that characters inhabit between stories, Clark and Lois search the ranks of TV fantasy and sci-fi to find a babysitter for the numerous children given to them by fanfic authors.


Rating: PG (just to be safe)

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, except when they are. The settings and locations are not mine, except when they are. The plots, conflicts, and resolutions ARE mine, except when they're not.

Reviews/Feedback: CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is always welcome. Any suggestions you may have on how to make my story better will be greatly appreciated.

Acknowledgement: My undying gratitude to The Internet Movie Database for the background information that the site provided on the various shows that are referenced in this story.

Notes/Author's Note: To MaxVII: I have attempted to correct the error you brought to my attention. Thanks for pointing it out to me.

When "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman" aired its last completed episode in 1997, and after word came that the show would not be coming back for another season, it left fans of the series with a rather large, unanswered question. An unseen individual or individuals had delivered a baby to the Kent household with no explanation as to where the child had come from. Fanfiction authors were more than willing to pick up the slack and continue where the series had left off. Unfortunately, they didn't stop there. For some reason, despite the presence of this mystery baby, pregnant Lois became a popular theme with fanfiction writers. True, there had been pregnant Lois and Kent baby stories written before the show went off the air, but the cancellation of the series really seemed to galvanize people into action. After seven years the baby boom had pretty much died down. By then, however, the damage was done.

Summer 2004, somewhere in the state of limbo that characters inhabit between stories…

Lois Lane Kent sat at the kitchen table, eating ice cream with pickles. She had just gotten back from an appearance in yet another pregnant Lois fic. Lois was only actually pregnant for the duration of the story, but some of the side effects of pregnancy, weird food cravings for example, took a while to fade. Clark stood at the kitchen counter, preparing bottles of baby formula. Clark from the parallel universe, who had been featured in a couple of episodes of the "Lois & Clark" series and had been dubbed Alt-Clark by the fanfiction community, was upstairs on diaper changing duty. Neither Lois nor her husband was quite sure why Alt-Clark had volunteered to help out with the kids until a sitter could be found. The truth was that Alt-Clark liked being around the children. They allowed him to experience a life that he felt he would never have. In the television series, there was no Alt-Lois. There was only a headstone in a cemetery. Those fanfic authors who utilized the Alt-Clark character tended to include an Alt-Lois, but these fics had yet to go as far as marriage or children.

However, Lois for one was not about to let Alt-Clark retain the post of babysitter permanently. To her, it felt too much like they were taking advantage of the fact that Alt-Clark didn't have a whole lot else to do. Clark was of the opinion that since Alt-Clark had volunteered for the job, then that made everything ok. This did not stop Lois from actively searching for a replacement. She had some basic requirements in mind. First was that any potential sitter would have to come from the ranks of television fantasy or science fiction. Lois felt that such a character would be better able to function should any of the children develop superpowers. You just never knew how far an author would choose to take a particular story. The cast of characters from "Smallville" would have made ideal candidates. However, that series was still going strong after three seasons on the air. This was fortunate for the characters involved, but unfortunate for Lois and Clark. Characters that had to appear in both in production episodes and potential fanfics would simply be too busy to take up a babysitting position. This is also why the characters of "Charmed" had gotten crossed off the list.

The best-case scenario would be to find a short-lived series, one that didn't have too big a fan base. The larger the fan base, the more fanfics got written and the more time the characters spent outside of limbo. "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" was a good example of the power of a large fan base. Although the final episode had aired in 2003, the spin-off series "Angel" had only just wrapped for good and the fanfic authors were likely to remain active for quite some time. Ditto for "The X-Files", which had been off the air even longer. The series "Firefly" had held potential, it had only lasted a season or two, but that had been long enough to develop a rather vocal fan base and there was now a feature film in the works.

Clark finally finished preparing the bottles and started to tidy up. "So, how is the list coming?" he asked. Lois put down her spoon reluctantly and reached for a stack of papers that was sitting on the table. "I'm still trying to narrow it down," she replied, sounding tired. Lois had been pushing her reporting skills to their limits, researching possible leads, to put together the list. Now she stared at the stack of papers, the end result of all her hard work, and thought just how much work there was still to do. Clark put the coffee maker on to brew and then walked over to the table, making his way around several of the children that were playing on the kitchen floor. He accidentally stepped on one of the toys and it squeaked loudly, much to the delight of the youngsters. The baby from the final episode, most often called C.J. by fanfic authors, was asleep in one of those car seat/baby carrier things on the chair opposite Lois. Clark glanced briefly at the infant and, seeing that the child had not woken up, he then came to stand behind his wife, wrapping his arms around her. "I'm here to help if you need me." Clark said. Although he wasn't against having Alt-Clark around for the long term the way Lois was, Clark did feel that they could use the extra help, if he and Lois could find someone suitable.

Clark picked up the first paper on the stack and started to read. "Helena Kyle, Barbara Gordon, and Dinah Redmond from 'Birds Of Prey', they're your first choice?" he asked. Lois shook her head. "I don't have a first choice yet," she replied. "I listed everyone alphabetically by series. It was easier to keep track that way." Clark nodded and started to read again. "Helena Kyle: also known as The Huntress, the daughter of Batman and Catwoman." Clark raised an eyebrow. "Batman had a daughter?" he asked. Clark was aware of the Batman franchise. He had liked to research his own background in between fanfic appearances over the summers, back when "Lois and Clark" was still on the air, and see how his existence coincided with and differed from the comic books, films, and other television series. During the course of this, it was only natural for Clark to stumble upon his comic book parent company's 'other' most popular character. Clark couldn't recall any mention of Batman having a daughter however.

Lois shrugged. "I think it was some sort of possible future/alternate reality thing," she said. Clark nodded, and then began reading again. "Barbara Gordon: also known as Oracle, formerly Batgirl. I thought the name sounded familiar." Clark frowned as he continued reading. "It says here that she's paralyzed; she uses a wheelchair." Glancing over at Lois, he said, "I don't think the house is wheelchair accessible." Lois conceded with a nod. "I was thinking about taking them off the list anyway. I was doing some background checks, and according to her therapist Helena Kyle has some 'issues'." Clark briefly scanned the information under Dinah Redmond's name, (a telepath and psychic, the daughter of Black Canary), before setting the paper aside and reaching for the next one on the stack.

"Cleopatra, Hel, Sarge, and Mauser from 'Cleopatra 2525'. Cleopatra: real name unknown, a former exotic dancer." Clark sent a disbelieving look in Lois's direction. "It says former." Lois stated in defense of her decision to consider this particular show. "Some of my best sources are in that line of work." Not wholly convinced, Clark continued reading. "Cryogenically frozen in the year 2001, thawed in the year 2525, fights Baileys. What's a Bailey?" Clark asked. Lois explained. "I think they're some sort of evil alien robots that have taken over the world. I've seen a picture, and they look like something out of _The Matrix_." Clark sighed. "Did you ever notice that alien life forms on TV usually aren't very friendly?" Lois had known Clark long enough to realize that this had struck a nerve. "That's not true." Lois said, trying to improve her husband's mood. "What about 'Star Trek', or 'Mork & Mindy'?" Clark smiled slightly. "Maybe we should get them to baby sit," he suggested. "Star Trek has too big a fan base," Lois reminded him, "and Mork and Mindy have their own kid to worry about. Well, that and I was hoping for someone a little more contemporary."

"You already looked into it?" Clark asked, a little surprised by the scope of his wife's search. He would probably have come up with "Star Trek", but "Mork & Mindy"? It was a sitcom for crying out loud. Lois shrugged before answering his question. "I may have done some preliminary research."

The next sheet on the pile was for Jane Cahill, Scotty Sallback, and Vaughn Parrish from "Dead Last". "A rock band with a magic amulet that allows them to see and hear ghosts," Clark read. He repeated the words 'rock band', and then proceeded to reach for the next sheet on the pile. "George from 'Dead Like Me'. I'm not sure I like the title." Clark said cautiously. When Clark read the information on the sheet, it seemed to back up his first impressions. "Full name Georgia Lass, occupation grim reaper."

Gary Hobson from "Early Edition" sounded promising, a normal guy who just happened to receive tomorrow's newspaper today, from an orange cat no less. The only problem was that "Early Edition" had been on the air for four seasons, which is quite some time in terms of series longevity, and Lois was still trying to gauge just how big the fan base for the show was. On the one hand, someone must have been watching for the series to remain on the air for so long. On the other hand, the show had wrapped in 2000, four years ago. Trying to rifle through the numerous fanfic sites and find out when the most recent "Early Edition" fics had been posted was a lengthy process.

The four lead characters from "Freedom" were all but ruled out. In the context of their show, they had banded together to help a resistance movement after having been arrested for treason in a future where renegade military forces had taken over the US government. Clark was a little wary of characters whose main objective was to overthrow the government, even if it was an unlawful and unjust government.

The next paper on the stack was for Jake Foley from "Jake 2.0". Jake had accidentally been contaminated with an experimental serum containing nanomites, or microscopic machines, which had altered his body. Jake's list of powers was truly impressive: superhuman strength, lightning-fast speed, heightened hearing, magnified vision, and the ability to communicate telepathically with computers. Even Clark didn't have that last one. This guy sounded like a definite possibility.

Then there was John Doe, from the television series…"John Doe". John had the ability to answer just about any question that was put to him, from 'who was the thirteenth president of the United States' to 'who won the 1962 academy award for best picture'. (The answers are Millard Fillmore and _Lawrence Of Arabia_, in case you're interested.) The guy would definitely clean up on "Jeopardy!". The only thing he couldn't seem to answer was who he really was, or even what his real name was.

Clark poured his wife a second cup of coffee. C.J. was crying to be fed and, after unbuckling the harness, Clark lifted the baby out of the carrier before the infant's crying could spread to the other kids in the house, or in the room for that matter. Clark cradled C.J. in his arms, holding a baby bottle in such a way that the child could easily drink without swallowing too much air. After seven years, Clark had gotten rather good at this. A red ball came rolling across the floor, and he used his foot to roll it back to the other children in the room. Lois had the next sheet in her hand and began reading from it aloud for Clark's benefit. "Detective Kate Benson and Detective Nicholas O'Malley from 'Special Unit 2': members of Special Unit 2, hunt down and eliminate Links."

"What's a Link?" Clark interrupted. Lois continued. "It says here that on the show all monsters from folklore and mythology are in actuality missing links between apes and humans, with the exception of vampires, which are complete fiction." Clark appeared to think this over. "It's an interesting concept," he said at last. He then noticed the headshot type photographs of the two lead characters that were printed on the sheet. "He looks familiar." Clark said. Lois murmured something about "Jimmy" and "season one" that jogged Clark's memory. "Right," he said.

They were getting towards the bottom of the stack now, without making all that much progress. Lois was reluctant to rule out anyone for sure until Clark had a chance to review all their options and see just what alternatives were open to them. The paper they were currently scrutinizing was for the cast of characters from "The Others", a 2000 series about a group of people with paranormal abilities that despite the title had nothing to do with the 2001 movie starring Nicole Kidman, thank goodness.

"How about this one?" Lois asked, reaching for the next to the last sheet. "Tru Davies from 'Tru Calling': a medical grad student with the power to relive the previous day over again."

"Like _Groundhog Day_?" Clark asked as he put down the empty baby bottle and draped a dishtowel over his shoulder. "Not exactly," Lois replied. "Tru Davies only relives each day once, and she uses her power to save people who would have died." Clark gently patted C.J. on the back then nodded towards the last paper from the stack. "Who's that last one?" he asked. The sheet itself looked as though someone had started to crumple it up, as if to throw it away, then had changed their mind and tried to smooth it out again. Lois glanced briefly at the paper, although she didn't really need to. She knew who it was for. "Jaye Tyler from 'Wonderfalls'." Lois told her husband. "Things…talk to her."

"What do you mean?" Clark asked a little uneasily. The tone of Lois's voice had made him a bit nervous. "Inanimate object, they…tell her to do things." Lois explained. Clark's eyebrows rose. "O-kay," he said, drawing out the word. "Are we sure this is a science fiction or fantasy show. It sounds more like some kind of psychological thriller?" Before Lois could answer, C.J. pulled a magnet off the refrigerator. "No, don't put that in your mouth!" Clark said, taking the magnet away from the baby. C.J. immediately began to cry and this time the crying quickly spread. The combined noise caused Lois to press her fingers to her temples, in an effort to ward off the approaching migraine. Clark began zooming around at super speed, trying to reach and quiet the children as quickly as possible. Just then, Lois's cell phone rang.

"Lois Lane," she said, identifying herself. The caller on the other end began to speak, but Lois quickly stopped them by saying, "Hold on, I can't hear you." Lois pressed her hand over the ear that wasn't pressed to the receiver, in an effort to block out some of the background noise. "Ok," she told the caller as a signal for whoever it was to start speaking again. The caller did so. "Yes." Lois replied, followed after a few moments by, "Are you sure?" Lois must not have gotten the answer she wanted, because her expression turned to one of resignation. "Ok. Thank you." Lois said before hanging up the phone. Clark reappeared in the kitchen. "Who was that?" he asked. Instead of answering the question, Lois said, "Cross Tru Davies off the list. 'Tru Calling' just got picked up for another season."

Notes/Author's Note: Believe it or not, yes I have actually seen MOST of the television shows that are referenced in this story.


End file.
